Archive for Myself

Done With All That

{ September 11, 2007 @ 10:42 am } · { Myself }
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Ahhhh.  Well I awakened this morning with the sense of closure ringing in my ears.  I’ve decided that today is the first day of the rest of my life and the past is the past.  There’s much to look forward to:  the visit from a cherished friend, the holidays, my birthday, the whole wonderful future.

At one point I thought I was going to get married at the age of 40.  I didn’t know to whom, I just always thought that 40 would be the year.  Seemed like a good idea – better late than never….but that was just a psychic premonition – and frankly my psychic premonitions ain’t so accurate!  Next month I turn 40 so it will be interesting to see what happens in that long-anticipated year.

I refuse to be sad about the past any longer.  It’s a pointless waste of time.  Now I move forward.  And to mark this special event, my landlord is doing repairs on my apartment today. 

Who could ask for anything more?

My Horoscope Promised Happiness Today…

{ September 5, 2007 @ 1:52 am } · { Myself }
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flash2.jpg

I’m going through and emotional crisis greater than any I have ever known.  My parents wouldn’t be thrilled to hear it as they are not fond of the source of my anxiety. 

There are many things to consider in matters of the heart.  I used to think that when the time came to make a commitment, it would be an easy choice.  There would be no self-doubt, no worrying about the future, nothing but happiness and everything falling into place.  But it’s not like that at all – at least not for me.  For me it’s all negative and no positive. 

I was given a choice – and it was all or nothing.  I chose nothing, but part of me is now in agony – completely convinced that I made the worst decision of my life.  And how ironic would that be – finally choosing to not be with someone and it’s the wrong decision, when every other time I chose to be with someone and that was the wrong decision. 

I am so confused and it’s not like me to air my dirty laundry, but I figured an explanation was in order for anything weird I might say, or do in the near future (like this post ha ha).  I am not sleeping well, I’m not thinking well, and I’m just plain miserable.

Yes, I’m Still Alive

{ July 15, 2007 @ 2:50 am } · { Cats, Myself, Photos }
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I have been so busy lately…new friends, old friends, new camera, training at work, shopping, reading, and writing!  Seems like I never have time to stop and smell the roses.  I’ll be posting some new photos soon.  I’m having a bit of trouble with the software that came with my camera and in the interest of keeping my sanity I have put it away for a few days.

It has come to my attention that my DVD player does not play burned DVD’s.  It’s a shame really, but what did I expect for $30? 

It hot and humid here.  I really wish I were elsewhere but now is not the time.  The cats are doing well.  Daisy’s stitches are almost healed – although not without a great deal of worrying on my part.  Note to self: do not check stitches every day or you’ll drive yourself mad!

I hope this posting finds you all well and happy. 

Father’s Day

{ June 17, 2007 @ 7:25 am } · { Brother, Destiny, Fate, Father, Father's Day, Myself, Step-father }
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It is once again the international day designated to honoring fathers everywhere. 

My father has 3 boys and a girl – me.  I feel fortunate to be the only girl as it makes me feel special.  I have often wondered what it would have been like if he had had another daughter.  Of course he has a godchild who lives in China but I am completely unable to recall at this late hour if it is a boy or girl.  A horrible admission to be sure, but understandable since I have never met the child and only hear of him/her sporadically. 

It is on this day that I am thankful that I have a father who lives a decent life and allows his children to be who they are without fear of his disapproval.  Granted, a little disapproval now and then would have probably gone a long way in steering me in the proper direction in life but I believe that we create our own destinies and I am thankful to have created mine, such as it is.  As I see it things can only get better from now on, despite the blows life will continue to throw in my path.  Free will and destiny, a dichotomy one truly begins to understand as wisdom slowly seeps into our consiousness.

My step-father has been a guiding light in my life, a voice of reason when I have been unable to make reasonable decisions myself.  I appreciate his down-to-earth approach to life; his unassailable belief in all things scientific that helped me to understand much of the world around me – not to mention his invaluable help with my homework as a child!

And lastly, my brother, who is/was like a father to me.  His knowlege and thirst for learning and understanding is limitless and I would not be the person I am today without his influence.  His kind understanding has helped me through the most difficult times and I am completely indebted to him.

For these three important men in my life I am truly thankful, and I can only say that one day is not enough to express all that they mean to me.

And if that sounds schmaltzy so be it.  Sometimes a little shmaltziness is called for.

xoxo

A Milestone

{ June 14, 2007 @ 12:52 pm } · { Blogs, Milestones, Myself }
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Today my blog passed the 1000 views mark.  Hooray!  It took half a year but who’s counting?  I am very happy that my words have been read.  Not that I have anything that earth-shaking to say but at least if I ever do I’ll know that at least a few people will know…

Thanks for reading.  Stop by again soon.

MJ 

Date This

{ June 6, 2007 @ 2:15 pm } · { Blogs, Dating, Myself, Online Dating, Religion }
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Dating sites are almost always a disappointment.  There are so many unattractive people out there.  And if they aren’t unattractive, they drink (a lot – or so they boast).  From the cheesey guy you’d never speak to in a bar, to the married guy who is looking for something on the side (I know, I’ve met one of those losers – his marital status hidden from me until the actual meeting), it just goes to show that finding someone on those sites is like hunting for a needle in a haystack.  And God help you if you’re a female and you post your photo – the abuse is unbelievable.  There is still an element of fun if you aren’t serious about finding someone however.  Dating sites just aren’t the place to go if you are.

I remember trying to sign up for one awhile back and they rejected me.  Didn’t know that could happen!  It was quite a funny surprize.  They said they didn’t think they could help me.  Well duh.  What site ever has?  (The only time I ever met a person online and developed a friendship was a complete fluke.  I found his blog by accident.  Which is probably the way it should be.  And even though that didn’t work out that great, at least I am glad to know him and think he is a wonderful person.)  So anyways, that site rejected me and I thought ‘well great, I really am a loser’.  That is until my brother investigated the site and determined that it was a Christian-type organization.  No doubt I should have realized this by all their questions about my religion – of which I have a very personal style.  I definitely didn’t answer the questions like a good God-fearing Christian woman.  I’m a weirdo and I know it.  Moderately unconventional and definitely open-minded.  Doesn’t mix well with the Christian set.  So I felt better after that little revelation (pardon the pun).

So enough of that.  I’ll just continue on looking at interesting blogs and talking to people that way.  Which begs the question why I haven’t talked to anyone through this blog – yet.  Because it’s not very interesting is my conclusion.  I mean look how many times I’ve used the word ‘interesting’ in this paragraph.  It’s certainly not one of those splashy, mosaics of sight and sound that one sees on facebook or myspace.  Some of those really annoy me because my computer is slow and sometimes if I hit the wrong page it takes forever to open because some schmo decided he had to have music and graphics and a full-length video to describe who he really is.  Annoying.

Okay, okay, enough griping already.  There’s a real world out there somewhere.  I’ve heard rumors about it online.

Lies My Mum Told Me…

{ May 6, 2007 @ 6:50 pm } · { Brother, California, Canada, Cats, Lillian, Mum, Myself }
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The Family Circa 1969The Family Circa 1969 

 I love my Mum.  She is unique to my eyes, and she’s a very smart cookie.  She had a lot to deal with while my two brothers and I were growing up and I think she did the best she knew how.  Some of her tactics however were quite intriguing as I look back.

For instance, as a child we would go shopping together in the department store in Los Altos, California where I spent the early part of my childhood.  One day we were riding the escalator and she told me not to stick my head over the railing.  I think I did so anyways, so the next time we were there she told me the story about the little girl who got her head cut off riding up the escalator (she didn’t even tell me to not stick my head over the railing again because I might have caught on that she was trying to teach me a lesson).  She said the little girl stuck her head out too far and it got chopped off by the plastic divider between floors.  Well I never forgot that.  I was completely fascinated and asked so many questions every time we rode an escalator from then on that I think she may have wished she had never mentioned it.  It did, however, keep me from sticking my head over the railing.

When we moved to Canada I was still quite young – about 7.  We lived in a small town in the countryside for the first two years.  My Mum liked visiting old graveyards and reading the tombstones.  It was on one of these trips that we passed an old barn and my mother told me the story of the little girl who ran into an old barn to chase down her ball.  She fell through the floor and died.  No doubt this has actually happened on occasion so it wasn’t a complete fabrication.  And once again I was fascinated.  Every time I looked at a barn from then on I would remember that story.

Mum’s coup de gras came when I was in highschool a few years later.  I had the terrible habit of leaving my curling iron plugged in after styling my ever-so-popular Farrah Fawcett hairstyle in the morning.  That was in the days before they had auto shut-offs.  My mother kept telling me to remember to shut off my curling iron, but I kept forgetting.  One day I got a call at the school.  My mother said in her iciest tone that she would be picking up me and my best friend, Lillian, from school that afternoon.  She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong but I knew something was up.

She picked us up and drove towards Lillian’s house.  On the way she said there had been a fire.  She said it was from the curling iron and trust me my Mum could win an academy award for her performance.  I didn’t believe her at first but she didn’t cave and when I asked about my cat she said she didn’t make it out.  Well I burst into tears.  Lillian got out at her house and we drove home with me bawling in the back seat.  When we got home I ran upstairs (it was a rather large house so it didn’t surprise me that there was no evidence of fire in the foyer).  There had been no fire.  My cat was sleeping on my bed.  I called Lillian to tell her, and she said my Mum was ‘crazy’ or something to that effect but that she was glad everything was okay. 

You would think I might be a little scarred by that incident and perhaps I was because from then on I became paranoid I had left my curling iron on.  I remember calling from the payphone at school on many occasions to ask her to check.  Even to this day I double-check my hair straightener and stove burners are off before I leave for work.  And, thanks to my brother, I unplug anything that contains a heating element – like my toaster and portable heater.  So I guess you could say it’s a good thing…a few weeks ago a guy’s whole house burned down because he went out and left a battery charger plugged in.  I guess his mother never lied to him…  

Moi

{ May 5, 2007 @ 1:17 pm } · { Art, Isaac Newton, Myself }
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You know those annoying emails one gets from their friends that asks them 20 questions about their preferences?  Yeah.  I get those.  But unlike some people, I find them very interesting.  I had to interview some people at work the other day.  I tell you that I would pass up all the questions they make us ask in those interviews for this simple list of questions.  I’m going to include my answers so you all can extrapolate my psychological profile at will.

1:  What is your favorite color (reminds me of a book I read as a child “The Luscher Color Test – my step-mother is a psychologist and has many interesting books in her library):  yellow-orange.

2:  What is your favorite media artist:  Sir John Everett Millais (painter 1829 – 1896)

3:  Musical group or artist:  The Beatles

4:  Movie:  (Ooooooh tough one)  Bad Boys (with Sean Penn)

5:  Movie star:  Sean Penn (male), Kristy McNichol (female)

6:  Animated movie or TV show:  Ice Age

7:  TV show:  The Partridge Family

8:  Book:  Thinner, by Stephen King (ending was stupid though)

9:  Website:  AllRecipes.com

10:  What figure in history would you like to meet:  Isaac Newton (I would like to ask him how he came to the conclusion that the world is going to end before 2060, and what he was seeking with all his alchemical experiments*)

11:  What is your favorite vehicle:  1981 Nissan 280zx Turbo

1981 Nissan 280ZX Turbo Photographic Print

12:  If you could have any job in the world what would it be:  Ballet dancer

13:  What is your favorite food:  Burritos

14:  What is your favorite dessert:  Chocolate layer cake (even though I like caramel much better than chocolate – I’ve just never heard of a caramel layer cake…damned chocolate-based society!)

15:  Drink:  Chocolate milk (yes I appreciate the irony re: #14)

16:  What is your favorite way of passing time:  puttering

17:  Favorite animal:  the cat in all shapes and sizes  (I would ask your favorite insect but you might think me strange – I like flies)

18:  Favorite city:  New York

19:  Favorite country:  I think I like England the best but I haven’t seen enough of it to be sure.  Perhaps Ireland.

20:  If you could holiday anywhere:  Norway

I’ll be interested to read this in a year or so to see how my tastes have changed.  Wow, what a self-indulgent way to spend a Saturday morning!

*  If you have not read about the life of Isaac Newton you have missed out.  He was a true genius; the co-creator of calculus, and the first person to refer to gravity and explain its effects.  He explained the laws of motion (in particular as applied to the planets), the theory of color, he was the inventor of the reflective telescope, and much more.  Above all he believed that it was impossible for the universe to exist in all it’s perfect glory without the grand planning of some great and powerful creator.  He spent years deciphering the bible for clues to alchemical truths.  I have included the three laws of motion for your delight and edification:

Newton’s First Law (also known as the Law of Inertia) states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest and that an object in uniform motion tends to stay in uniform motion unless acted upon by a net external force.

  1. Newton’s Second Law states that an applied force, F, on an object equals the time rate of change of its momentum, p. Mathematically, this is written as \vec F = \frac{d\vec p}{dt} \, = \, \frac{d}{dt} (m \vec v) \, = \, \vec v \, \frac{dm}{dt} + m \, \frac{d\vec v}{dt} \,. Assuming the mass to be constant, the first term vanishes. Defining the acceleration to be \vec a \ =\ d\vec v/dt results in the famous equation \vec F = m \, \vec a \,, which states that the acceleration of an object is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force acting on the object and inversely proportional to its mass. In the MKS system of measurement, mass is given in kilograms, acceleration in metres per second squared, and force in newtons (named in his honour).
  2. Newton’s Third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Who?

{ May 3, 2007 @ 1:26 pm } · { Blogs, Myself }
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 Hands

I know this guy who has a blog.  And on this blog he talks about all the things in in life, including his friends, family and lovers.  But despite the time and effort I have spent getting to know him he has never mentioned me.  It’s like I didn’t pass the test (which he actually referred to when I met him).  It’s not a good feeling.  I know I should have the confidence to see it as a glitch in his own personality but I don’t.  I see it as a personal failure.  I see it as not being good enough.  I must be inadequate emotionally, physically, pschologically, or intellectually.  Perhaps a combination of all four.  According to him I have a tendency to feel sorry for myself.  Perhaps so, but I think there are worse things one could have as a personality trait.  Like being an arrogant ass.  Anyways, I digress.

What to do? 

Cut all (imaginary) ties? 

Plug away and hope for change? 

Pretend I don’t care?

Post a blog and wait for good advice?

I guess time will tell.  I just hope I hear it and do the right thing.

PS2….*#!&*#!!!

{ April 29, 2007 @ 1:15 am } · { Def Leppard, Internet, Myself, PS2 }
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A few days ago I found a PS2 in the lobby of my building.  People often leave things there for other tenants when they move out, so I grabbed it.  I figured it probably didn’t work, but maybe…

So I spent a week collecting the parts I would need; the power cord, the connection thingy to the TV, and a paddle.  Oh yes, and of course I borrowed a game.  I plugged it in, popped in the game and voila – error message.  I tried everything I could think of but it was no good. 

That’s when I went on the internet and read instructions on how to take it apart and adjust the laser.  It took about 3 hours to take it apart, adjust the laser a million times and try to load the game repeatedly.  And that, dear friends, is how I wasted 3 hours of my life on a Sony product.  It still doesn’t work.  I didn’t even bother to put it back together.  I just bundled it up and tossed it in a garbage bag. 

Now, I’m not knocking Sony.  In fact I’m very surprized I couldn’t fix it.  Sony is in fact my favorite electronics manufacturer, and I am very good at fixing things for some reason – even though I have a tendency to call electronic parts ‘thingies’.  Everything I’ve ever bought is Sony.  I don’t know the history of the aforementioned machine but I did see evidence that it may have been dropped so that might explain the whole thing. 

It was exciting to realize it contained a class 1 laser.  Who knew?  I certainly didn’t.  Not that I’m a laser expert or anything but that impressed me.  I was careful not to blind myself as was carefully advised in the instructions. 

Anyways, I’m now off to watch ‘The Def Leppard Story’.  It starts with a re-enactment of the car crash in which the drummer lost his arm.  I always wondered about that so now I can see for myself in all my rubber-necking glory.

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